Skip to main content

A Voice Crying in the Wilderness

Jun 29, 2016 09:54AM, Published by Bryan Scott, Categories: Today, Local Life



By Peri Kinder

Summer means camping. Outdoor living is a wonderful way to acquaint your children with Lyme disease, tourniquets, tick removal, poison ivy, skunk identification, rabid chipmunks and tent life. Why go to a hotel when you can sleep on the ground in a Ziploc bag?

It’s a mythological fact that camping builds character. Okay, I’ll admit camping builds some characters; the Unabomber comes to mind. After living in a remote cabin with no electricity or running water, Mr. Unabomber started a nationwide bombing crusade. 

But still, families plan extravagant camping adventures and look forward to spending an inordinate amount of time living like squatters in the mountains with their loved ones. Their days are filled with card games, sing-alongs, murderous rage and fishing. 

And by the way, fishing is not a sport. “Sport” indicates a level of exertion, sweat and training. I’ve never seen a sport that involves kicking back in a camp chair and swilling a cold beer while holding onto a stick. It could easily be confused with the sport of TV watching.

One of my daughters refused to even cast a fishing line, afraid she might hit a trout on the head with a lure, causing it to need glasses for the rest of its fishy life.

Hiking is another fun camp activity, if “fun” means you enjoy carrying toddlers for a 4-hour hike that would have taken only 20 minutes if they would walk like a functioning person. 

And who can forget the hellish outhouses where you just know there’s a snake coiled up behind you or a spider creeping around the toilet seat or a swarm of wasps waiting for you to exit.

When nighttime rolls around and it’s time to build a fire, you soon realize it should be called building a smoke. All the green wood your kids gathered creates billows of hot, grey air that infiltrates every piece of clothing you own. Plus, the wind blows through the campfire, distributing hot ash, eye-melting smoke and pieces of exploding branches so everyone around the fire can enjoy the great outdoors.

Once you finally have a campfire merrily dancing in the pit (usually around 2 a.m.), it’s fun to roast marshmallows that your kids won’t eat because they’re burnt, and look at the stars.

Me: Aren’t the stars beautiful?

Daughter #1: It’s making my neck hurt. Can I stop looking?

Me: No. 

Daughter #2: What if a star fell on us right now?

Daughters #3 and #4: (Crying because they don’t want a star to fall on them.)

Me: Forget it. Go get in your Ziploc bags.

Safety is always a concern when camping. “Don’t Feed the Bears” signs encourage campers to lock food in the car so bears don’t get into your Oreos. Shouldn’t the signs also warn you that a bear can easily shred your tent, looking for juicy, human-flavored tidbits? But, hey, as long as the Oreo cookies are safe.

Once camp is over, a miracle happens. Everyone forgets the scraped-shins, fire-singed fingers, burned breakfasts, lost underwear and temper tantrums. And suddenly you’re planning next year’s camping trip to acquaint your children with dehydration, crazy hermits, leaf toilet paper, stinging nettle, wet socks, outdoor swearing and organic granola. Because why go to a restaurant when you can eat soot-covered hot dogs in a rainstorm?   λ



It looks like we don't have any events for this date. You can always add an event.

  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    07/28/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Guest Author Liv Bartlet

    07/29/2017
    07:00PM — 09:00PM

    Twenty-nine-year-old artistic prodigy Kat Porter has golden statues on her career horizon until s...


It looks like we don't have any events for this date. You can always add an event.

  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    08/02/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    07/28/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Guest Author Liv Bartlet

    07/29/2017
    07:00PM — 09:00PM

    Twenty-nine-year-old artistic prodigy Kat Porter has golden statues on her career horizon until s...


  • theBRIDGE Church Grand Opening!

    07/30/2017
    10:00AM — 11:30AM

    Join us this Sunday at 10am @ the Daybreak Community Center in South Jordan, UT!


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    07/31/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • First Day of Utah Crew's Summer Camp Session #3

    07/31/2017
    06:00PM — 08:00PM

    Utah Crew offers three fun and recreational summer rowing camps where new rowers can learn the ba...


  • Monday Family Night

    07/31/2017
    06:30PM — 08:30PM

    Pack a picnic and spend a summer evening exploring the diversity in our community. Traditional Af...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    08/02/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • VIP event - Free Treatments & $30 Gift Card

    08/03/2017
    06:00PM — 09:00PM

    join us for our VIP event on thursday, august 3rd from 6-9pm. all attendees receive a complime...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    08/04/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Dash for Donation Race

    08/05/2017
    08:00AM — 10:00AM

    Join us for a 5K fun run and 2K walk at beautiful Sugar House Park on Saturday, August 5th. Regi...


  • theBRIDGE Church Grand Opening!

    08/06/2017
    10:00AM — 11:30AM

    Join us this Sunday at 10am @ the Daybreak Community Center in South Jordan, UT!


  • John Moreland

    08/06/2017
    08:00PM

    Critically acclaimed singer-songwriter John Moreland is touring in support of his latest release,...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    08/07/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • Monday Family Night

    08/07/2017
    06:30PM — 08:30PM

    Pack a picnic and spend a summer evening exploring the diversity in our community. Music and danc...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    08/09/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    08/11/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • theBRIDGE Church Grand Opening!

    08/13/2017
    10:00AM — 11:30AM

    Join us this Sunday at 10am @ the Daybreak Community Center in South Jordan, UT!


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    08/14/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • FIT4MOM Murray Stroller Strides

    08/16/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    FIT4MOM, the nation’s largest fitness program for new moms, has arrived in Murray. Stroller Strid...


  • 62nd Anniversary Celebration & Ice Cream Social

    08/17/2017
    09:00AM — 09:05PM

    Join us for our 62nd Anniversary party! We're going to party like it's 1955! We have 50% off on a...


 

 

Online Edition
Follow My City Journals on Facebook
Advertise with us

 

City Journals 9500 South 500 West, Suite 205, Sandy, Utah 84070 801.254.5974